I DONT KNOW whether you’re just not giving me anything or if I can’t see what you are giving me. I DONT KNOW if I deserve better than this for the amount of energy i am exerting into this. I DONT KNOW if i have feelings for someone else or if i want to have feelings for someone else. I DONT KNOW what i should be doing or not doing to make myself AND YOU happy. I DONT KNOW how to be in this relationship that feels so foreign to me. 

i know that i love you. i know i do. i know i do. i know i do. i know i do. i know i do. i know i do. i know i do. for some reason and I don’t know who’s fault that is, I don’t believe you do anymore. I can’t bring myself to believe you. I used to feel like we were the tide and every time you would take a sip of me, you would pour yourself back in. but now i feel like i am drowning you and you aren’t flowing back anymore. I can’t make you flow back. No matter how hard I try, I can’t make you give me anything. I can’t make you want to give me anything. But I want you so bad. I want you to be enough. I want just knowing that i am with you to be enough. Maybe I’m the one that needs time to think and to grow. You are much more self sufficient than I am. I am dependent on your love. It’s making me sick. It’s making us sick. Fuck I miss you

well now i know what it would be like if we were married hahahahahakjdjskjdksjdskjdksdjsd i hate myself


View of Rome and St. Peter’s dome from the top of the Spanish Steps.
(Seriously, go to the steps EARLY. Like, before the sun comes up. There will be no one there.)
Piazza di Spagna, Rome

I am sad and I don’t know why. I am feel more alone than I have ever been but I have more friends at this point in my life than I ever have. I feel hopeless and lost but I am busy and in the midst of multiple projects. Maybe I am lazy and ungrateful. Maybe I am terrified to try. at anything. to believe in anything. to trust in anyone. there is a strength in vulnerability that i have forgotten about. I’ve been trying to protect myself too much. maybe that rush of terror when you’re standing on the edge of the cliff is what i need right now. maybe i need to look down.


untitled by z a r i a n k a on Flickr.

tea time 綠繡弄櫻 (by Thunderbolt_TW)

{ it’s raining stars }

untitled by vtrubu on Flickr.